My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
