I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
