yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
