Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
