i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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