I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
