Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
