I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
