Having a random hookup so left but love u
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
