This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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