She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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