do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
