She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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