i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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