Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
