I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
