You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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