Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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