i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
