that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
