sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
