White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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