i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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