VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
