Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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