Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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