Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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