I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
