party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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