The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How does one acquire holy water?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
