Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
