My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
