she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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