where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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