I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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