dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
