why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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