new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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