Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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