final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
