just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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