Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think i have two assholes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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