Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
