I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Shame - the story of my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
