Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
