sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
