how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
