No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
