Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
