brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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