Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
