Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
