My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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