I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
