I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
