Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
