Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You smell like stripper and shame
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
