At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
