I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
