I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
