so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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