apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
