do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
