office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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