Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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