This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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