dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize