I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
