My underwear smells like fireworks.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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