I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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