Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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