So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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