I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
