Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
