Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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