For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize