Duck Duck Cougar?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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