Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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