I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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