I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
