I can text with my tongue
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
