Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
50% drunk capacity currently
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize