I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
