i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
