Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
