Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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