ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize