eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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